Have you ever heard, or perhaps even said, phrases like, “I’ll never trust you again after what you did,” “I might be able to forgive, but it will take a long time,” or “He needs to be the one to make things right”? You might have also encountered statements like, “What she did crosses the line…” These expressions often reflect the deep struggle we face when it comes to forgiveness. We know we should forgive, but we often find ourselves waiting for the “right time” or hesitating because we don’t want to feel vulnerable or weak.
Why do we delay forgiveness? Are we holding back because admitting we’ve been hurt feels like giving up our power? Sometimes, we wrongly believe that asking for forgiveness or giving it makes us lesser. In truth, delaying forgiveness creates more pain, keeps us clung in bitterness, and weighs us down. When we withhold forgiveness, it’s often driven by pride. Pride whispers, “I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s their fault.” But when we stop to reflect on our own lives, we see that most hurt arises from misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or poor communication. Often, the other person didn’t even know they caused pain. We convince ourselves that we aren’t the ones to start the problem, yet we allow it to escalate by not acting to heal it.
Why is it so hard to take the first step toward reconciliation? In all our relationships, whether with friends, family, or even co-workers, the first move is often the hardest. But humility is what makes us stronger, not weaker. It’s in humbling ourselves, letting go of pride, and putting others first that we become conquerors, not of others, but of the pride that holds us back. You may be thinking, “But what about the times when I’ve been deeply hurt or when my dignity, reputation, or loved ones are at risk? How do I forgive that?” I understand it’s never easy, but holding onto unforgiveness binds us to that hurt, keeping us in chains. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the wrong or allowing the situation to continue; it’s about releasing the control the hurt has over us, moving forward, and protecting our peace.
Unforgiveness keeps us tied to the past, but forgiveness is the key to freedom. We don’t forgive because the other person deserves it; we forgive because we deserve peace. God forgives us without asking if we deserve it, and His grace covers us even when we’re undeserving. Remember, our battles are not against flesh and blood but against the forces that want to keep us trapped in bitterness. Forgiveness is a weapon we wield to break free from the spiritual grip of anger and resentment. Unforgiveness is so damaging that it is the root of many evils. It is so detrimental that everyone who carries it feels a heavy load that consumes them. This is why it is so important to identify it and cut the bondage from its root. It is crucial to recognize that we need to forgive not because the other person deserves it but because we deserve it. Because we deserve to:
Be free from that bondage.
Be free to grow.
To be free to carry that burden for life.
Be free from hate.
Be free from anger.
To be free from the wounds and the marks they left on us.
Be free and no longer be stuck in the past.
Be free to continue walking into the future.
Be free to receive great blessings from God.
Consider Jesus’ example on the cross with all the power in the world to condemn those who wronged Him; He chose to love and forgive, saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Jesus, who had every right to judge, chose grace. Let’s honor His sacrifice by following His lead, choosing forgiveness over vengeance, and love over bitterness. Forgiveness may not be easy, but it’s a powerful choice that leads us to freedom. When we choose to forgive, we release the heavy burden of anger, and in turn, we open our hearts to more compassion, peace, and healing. Forgiveness makes us whole. Let’s take the first step and experience the freedom that comes with letting go.
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